I AM A FUCKING PUBLIC FIGURE!

 

 

 

 

 

No nude butts, unless... 

 

 

 

 

 

According to Facebook guidelines "visible anus and/or fully nude close-ups of buttocks" aren't allowed on the platform "unless photoshopped on a public figure." 

 

Plus, I don't think this counts as anything like a "close-up".  You want a close-up, Zuck?  I mean, for comparison purposes?  I can do that for you.

 

Yet Again and Even More Regarding Cowardly Lions

 

Long ago, in a faraway land, I was asked by an ambassador to take on a mission that was more than slightly out of my normal duties.  I didn’t have to do it.  But I thought it was a good idea and it presented no real danger to me (I thought) and I liked the ambassador and, well, even though I’m now considered by some to be a godless commie socialist snowflake, I thought it was an overall patriotic thing to do.  I said yes, I’ll do that.  And I did.  I went above and beyond what the ambassador wanted, in fact, and I thought we’d later have coffee in his office and there would be handshakes and congratulatory discussion and so on.  I certainly didn’t expect public acknowledgement or little colored bits of cloth to hang on my uniform. 

I hardly ever wore a uniform back then, but I had two or three in my closet should an emergency arise. 

Anyway, long story short, the larger US government was apparently happy with what I had done.  Conversely, they were quite displeased with the ambassador and wanted to know why he himself had not done more in his role as the senior representative of the US government in the entire foreign country where we worked.  This, I thought, was not my concern.  I’d been given an objective, I exceeded expectations and I was ready to go back to my secretive assignments where no one noticed me very much at all.  In what I believe was an effort to embarrass the ambassador, a very senior Senator requested my presence in DC.  He wanted to publicly recognize my success.  On the floor of the Senate.  Meetings were called.  Encrypted phone conversations flew back and forth between us and Washington. My masters at the time were so-called important bureaucrats at one of the alphabet soup agencies and they absolutely forbid me to make any public appearances.  This was fine with me.  I was already pissed off about the situation.  The Senator was advised of my secret-squirrel assignment and that the agency would not allow my participation.  He withdrew the request and I was happy as a clam. 

What I’m getting at is this.  Had I been allowed (forced) to appear, I would gladly have answered any questions put to me (if the questioner had proper clearances and need to know).  I did nothing at all that would have brought shame upon myself, my service, or the United States of America.  I took pride in what I did and I followed (in this instance) the rules and regulations that defined my service and my assignments.  I didn’t want to go to DC for this, but if I had been forced to go, I would have complied.

Service to country should be honorable.  If courage is required, it should be summoned from within – or faked, if need be. 

I have done both. 

Those who serve, from the tiny little gears in the Big Government Engine (that was me) to the highest-ranking members of the Senate or the House or especially the president, should conduct themselves in such a way that they might always answer questions about their conduct.  This seems pretty obvious to me, especially in those we call ‘public servants’.  We pay them to do our bidding, to represent us when we are busy with working or playing cribbage or just fucking off.  They should at least be able to answer questions about how, why, when, and so on. 

And so it is that I tell you that Kevin McCarthy is a goddamned coward.  I will add that anyone and everyone who agrees with him is also a goddamned coward.  Mitch McConnell is a goddamned coward.  My representatives from Texas, John Cornyn, Michael Burgess, Ted Cruz, et al, are all goddamned cowards.  When I am done writing this morning, I shall inform them regarding my considered opinions, and suggest that they line up to kiss my ass.  I would refuse to let their cowardly lips anywhere near my ass, but I still think they should queue up.  Goddamned cowards.

McCarthy sent a trusted lieutenant to negotiate with the Democrats.  This, he did, and he made demands and the Democrats said this: “Well, okay.”  But McCarthy had sent him on a fool’s errand.  He never intended to accept those terms.  ANY terms.  He pulled the rug from under his own colleague.  These were not good faith negotiations.  McCarthy is scared.  He is one of the only members of Congress to speak to Trump on 6 January and, should he testify honestly, might give us insight into how Trump was dealing with the riot, the insurrection, that he himself provoked.  McCarthy is frightened out of his pee-stained little boy pants by Donald Trump.

What a sad existence that must be, to be so scared of the fat schoolyard bully that you pretend to be his best friend so he won’t beat you up after school.

And McCarthy wants to be Speaker so badly that he is willing to continue to subvert democracy.  His desire for power far outweighs his love of country.  He is willing to lie, to cheat, to swear his allegiance to a twice-impeached ex-president, to completely fuck over you and me and every other American, because he wants a better job.  Is this in any way admirable?

And the Republicans, by and large, line up behind him.  They are no longer the party of Lincoln.  They are the party of goddamned cowards.

Cowards of Congress: Kevin McCarthy

 

Kevin McCarthy demonstrates the size of his spine.

 

 

 

 

 

There are moments that change us as a nation.  In my life, there have been a few.  The killing of John Kennedy, Watergate, the Vietnam War, 9-11;  feel free to add whatever I’ve missed, but I think those were seminal events.  And because this country is more than willing to take a hard look at our problems in order to avoid even more problems, we investigated these events.

 The assassination of JFK brought us the Warren Commission.  You can argue with its conclusions, but the investigation itself was wide-ranging.  It was thorough.  It was public.  Public because Americans have a right to know.  And the Warren Commission brought big changes to how we, through the Secret Service, protect our presidents.  This is all how it should be.  A shocking event, a very public death, and then we examine how (and why) it happened so that we might avoid similar events in the future.

What the Warren Commission did NOT do was insist we also investigate the Lincoln assassination.   Watergate did not bring an investigation of, say, the Joseph McCarthy scandals, or the execution of the Rosenbergs.  Investigations into the events of 9-11 did not look into the Bay of Pigs.  There were excellent reasons for all of this; the events were unconnected.

And so we come to another seminal event in our history: the insurrection, the attack on Congress on the 6^th of January.  Most of us watched it on television.  Most of us saw the flags, the signage, and we heard the words spoken by those involved.  They hoped to subvert democracy.  They wanted very badly to find elected officials and kill them.  We saw the gallows, the zip-ties, the invasion.  We knew why they were there and we knew what they wanted to do.  They came for Nancy Pelosi.  They hoped to hang Mike Pence.  We should be asking questions.  There should be a bipartisan commission to ask those questions, to require people to give an accounting of their involvement in the attempt to destroy our democracy. 

 History demands that accounting. 

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy does not want the American public to have answers.  He insists that if we are to investigate the insurrection, we should, at the same time, investigate Antifa and maybe BLM for events from last summer.  But he’s not really interested in that.  His focus is to avoid any hard examination of the insurrection.  Ask yourself why. 

If we do not have this commission, his cohorts can continue their assault on reality.  There is a strong current of January 6^th Denialism in Republican circles and they hope to revise history.  It was just another day with tourists in the rotunda.  Those were not Trump fanatics.  And so on. 

And this is unmitigated bullshit.  I can smell it from Texas.

The Anger of The Facebook Bots

A few months ago, the Facebook Bots found me.  I’d called some idiot Trumpanzee a sheep, followed with “What a nice little herd animal you are.”   This was a violation of community standards and led to a suspension of my ability to post new transgressions, show my balls, speak Finnish and/or gargle salt water.

This was not my only transgression.  Certain key words seem to trigger the Anger of The Bots and apparently I like using those words.  The Bots didn’t care, it seems, that I continually railed against Trump or Cruz or McCarthy, often calling them quite vile things.  “Cocksucker” and “lying cocksucker” made frequent appearances.   No reaction from the Bots. 

But “sheep” riled them up good.

Last night, my buddy Raines and I were having a spirited exchange about Sarah Silverman and which one of us would win her love with displays of macho violence.  When challenged, I told him we could meet at Mount Rushmore and fight to the death.  You guessed it: violation of community standards.  I had threatened to kill Raines, the Bots said. 

When this happens, the Bots tell you that you can challenge them.  This is a fucking lie.  My request to challenge their supremacy is always met with “cannot process this request” and I’m left with a seven day suspension.  No questions are allowed.  The Bots have made their decision and you, mere human, can fuck right off.

But don’t threaten to fuck sheep.  I bet that is against community standards, threatening innocent herd animals.

I have acquaintances who want Facebook to be nice.  Just post kittens, maybe, and photos of your kids or grandchildren.  Recipes (not involving sheep).   Motivational phrases.  Puppies.  But, they often say, please stop with the politics, religion, and any other thoughts that might be even slightly interesting or controversial.   This is not who I am, but it appears that they may be getting what they want.  Great.  Soon, we’ll be down to just photos of oatmeal and Thomas Kinkaid paintings.  

The problem is context.  The Bots don’t understand, for example, that Raines and I are friends, highly unlikely to ever meet in combat, and neither of us has an ice cube in hell’s chance of intimacy with Sarah Silverman.  We’re relatively smart humans and can be entertaining.  We’re certainly funnier than, say, Mark Zuckerberg. 

But then - mutilated baby ducks are funnier than Mark Zuckerberg, so maybe I’m overstating how entertaining Raines and I are. 

Anyway, this shit is getting old.  The platform must guard against white supremacists and Proud Boys and anyone commenting on the WLOX page, but it’s working its way toward milktoast.  It wants to be everything to everyone, like Seth Myers.  But the Bots don’t like strong, interesting opinions and a tendency to use Navy words.   That way lies madness.

I’ll be very glad when something comes along to replace Facebook.